[Nodding, Emily takes a long drink of her tea. This place sure as hell makes you think about whether or not you really want something, and if you're willing to pay to get it. If the gods were able to bring specific people here on request, what would they ask for in exchange?
She's not sure she'd be willing to give it, even though she desperately wanted Matt to be here. Thank goodness he's here anyway. And Hannah, and Beth, and Sam, and Chris. Even Mike. Now if only the others would show up again, then they could--
Well. Maybe then they could really start to deal.]
Hey, Beth, I-- [Just blurt it out, Em. It'll be worth it. And who knows if Beth will be here even an hour from now? What if this is her last chance to say this?]
I'm sorry. About the prank. I was mad, and I was jealous, but it-- we went too far.
[The words are easier to say now that she's had some practice, but Emily still feels the guilt of it like she's only just heard the news that the twins had officially been declared missing.]
( For about a minute after Em's confession Beth doesn't say anything. It felt like it came out of nowhere, even if it was something that was kind of overdue, and it catches her off guard meaning she doesn't know what to say.
After that minute she puts her cup down, dipping her head for a few seconds before looking back up, eyes not quite meeting Emily's )
Yeah, you did.
( She doesn't sound angry - she isn't any more. Now Beth is just sad, and that's more for what happened after the prank rather than because of it, but that part isn't Emily's fault. They didn't know what was out there )
Hannah told me you talked to her. ( There's a sort of shrug, and Beth looks directly at her now ) You kept her safe - kept us safe. Thanks.
[That is hands down one of the most terrifying minutes of Emily's life. It sucks, knowing you deserve that silence, that rejection. That you broke your friend's trust and she's totally in her right never to trust you again.
And then Beth speaks, and Emily lets out a breath she'd been holding for longer than she cares to think about. God. God. Beth's not mad at her. Beth is better than all of the rest of them put together. Things could be okay after all, just like she and Carlisle had talked about.
So why is that so terrifying? Why is the good outcome so frightening to consider?
Emily looks away when Beth meets her gaze, then forces herself to look back at her.] It's the least I could do.
[It's what she should've done that night, but-- well, no way to go back now.]
I'm really glad you guys are here now. It sucks, but like, you're here. We're all--
( She doesn't quite mean for it to come out - the fact that Beth knows that she's dead is something she's not been wanting to admit, or really think about. She'd told Hannah that the last thing that she remembered was giving Hannah her coat.
The one surprise of this admittance though is that Beth feels relieved. She hadn't expected that - she thought that she'd regret saying it, because god it was awkward enough already, but she actually feels relieved. Admitting it, having someone else know that she knows - that they don't have to walk around on eggshells about the future - is pretty fucking relieving )
You guys talk about going back up there. No one mentions us.
( It's how she knows, or actually guesses, that Hannah is dead too. As much as she'd like to hope that her sister could survive the fall- no one mentions her being there )
You-- [know? Obviously. Beth wouldn't be mentioning it otherwise.]
Yeah.
[Emily looks down at her mug, biting her lips. Hannah doesn't know because it seemed too cruel a story to tell her. Hey, so after you and Beth ran off into that storm, you fell off a cliff. Beth died, you didn't. You broke your leg and couldn't get out. You made it thirty days before the spirits on the mountain made you dig up and eat Beth, and then you got possessed by a wendigo.
(She was pretty much dead by then anyway. Emily stopped being Emily once the transformation was complete. Shit, she barely remembers anything from before then. In a way, it's true that Hannah died. It just took longer for her to get there.)
Look at Beth, Em. Look at Beth when you talk to her. Breathe and look up. She does just that.]
Yeah. I, um-- We didn't know how to tell you, so we just-- [She pauses, shrugs.] Beth, I'm so, so sorry.
Forget it. It's not like it's a great conversation.
( Beth suspects that part of Emily's apology is for the fact that she's dead as well as for them not talking to her about it but she hadn't wanted to think about. Yeah she's dead, and yeah the prank is what made them go out there and get caught, but Emily hadn't pushed her. It wasn't her fault )
Besides, there's been more important things happening.
( Zombies trying to kill them upped awkward conversations )
[It's hands down one of the worst conversations possible, so Emily is more than happy to move on from it. She can apologize until she's blue in the face, but it won't change the fact that back home, Beth is dead because Emily couldn't deal with Hannah's crush, or the insecurity of your boyfriend being class president.]
More life-threatening things, yeah. [More important... Emily's not sure. She hates not knowing.] It fucking sucks, just waiting for the next thing to happen.
[Emily doesn't take it that way anyway. She tends to block out the imagined details of what it must have been like for Beth and Hannah.]
Yeah. [She pauses, wonders if she should say this at all. Why not? They're being honest here.] When it was just Chris and Hannah and me, that was really hard. Ash and Josh disappeared one after the other, and it was just... rough. Like, we bonded and all of that, but it's a lot better with so many of us here now.
[Seeing them around almost makes it feel like nothing bad ever happened. Or, like Carlisle said, gives her hope that she can make up for the bad that did happen.]
More people to band together against the shit the gods do.
( If only they could do more about that shit, to have hope. Or more hope. She's always hoping that being together means that they'll be okay, that they can keep each other safe but there's too much bad crap here for her to really believe it )
I guess there's some things it makes easier. I mean you already know us.
( And some of them can put up with some of the others's crap )
I don't know. [She shrugs.] My friend Glacius says there might be. He wouldn't lie to me. [She pauses, sighs.] I don't want to get my hopes up, though.
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She's not sure she'd be willing to give it, even though she desperately wanted Matt to be here. Thank goodness he's here anyway. And Hannah, and Beth, and Sam, and Chris. Even Mike. Now if only the others would show up again, then they could--
Well. Maybe then they could really start to deal.]
Hey, Beth, I-- [Just blurt it out, Em. It'll be worth it. And who knows if Beth will be here even an hour from now? What if this is her last chance to say this?]
I'm sorry. About the prank. I was mad, and I was jealous, but it-- we went too far.
[The words are easier to say now that she's had some practice, but Emily still feels the guilt of it like she's only just heard the news that the twins had officially been declared missing.]
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After that minute she puts her cup down, dipping her head for a few seconds before looking back up, eyes not quite meeting Emily's )
Yeah, you did.
( She doesn't sound angry - she isn't any more. Now Beth is just sad, and that's more for what happened after the prank rather than because of it, but that part isn't Emily's fault. They didn't know what was out there )
Hannah told me you talked to her. ( There's a sort of shrug, and Beth looks directly at her now ) You kept her safe - kept us safe. Thanks.
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And then Beth speaks, and Emily lets out a breath she'd been holding for longer than she cares to think about. God. God. Beth's not mad at her. Beth is better than all of the rest of them put together. Things could be okay after all, just like she and Carlisle had talked about.
So why is that so terrifying? Why is the good outcome so frightening to consider?
Emily looks away when Beth meets her gaze, then forces herself to look back at her.] It's the least I could do.
[It's what she should've done that night, but-- well, no way to go back now.]
I'm really glad you guys are here now. It sucks, but like, you're here. We're all--
[Alive.]
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( She doesn't quite mean for it to come out - the fact that Beth knows that she's dead is something she's not been wanting to admit, or really think about. She'd told Hannah that the last thing that she remembered was giving Hannah her coat.
The one surprise of this admittance though is that Beth feels relieved. She hadn't expected that - she thought that she'd regret saying it, because god it was awkward enough already, but she actually feels relieved. Admitting it, having someone else know that she knows - that they don't have to walk around on eggshells about the future - is pretty fucking relieving )
You guys talk about going back up there. No one mentions us.
( It's how she knows, or actually guesses, that Hannah is dead too. As much as she'd like to hope that her sister could survive the fall- no one mentions her being there )
I already knew. But Hannah doesn't.
( Or so Beth thinks )
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You-- [know? Obviously. Beth wouldn't be mentioning it otherwise.]
Yeah.
[Emily looks down at her mug, biting her lips. Hannah doesn't know because it seemed too cruel a story to tell her. Hey, so after you and Beth ran off into that storm, you fell off a cliff. Beth died, you didn't. You broke your leg and couldn't get out. You made it thirty days before the spirits on the mountain made you dig up and eat Beth, and then you got possessed by a wendigo.
(She was pretty much dead by then anyway. Emily stopped being Emily once the transformation was complete. Shit, she barely remembers anything from before then. In a way, it's true that Hannah died. It just took longer for her to get there.)
Look at Beth, Em. Look at Beth when you talk to her. Breathe and look up. She does just that.]
Yeah. I, um-- We didn't know how to tell you, so we just-- [She pauses, shrugs.] Beth, I'm so, so sorry.
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( Beth suspects that part of Emily's apology is for the fact that she's dead as well as for them not talking to her about it but she hadn't wanted to think about. Yeah she's dead, and yeah the prank is what made them go out there and get caught, but Emily hadn't pushed her. It wasn't her fault )
Besides, there's been more important things happening.
( Zombies trying to kill them upped awkward conversations )
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More life-threatening things, yeah. [More important... Emily's not sure. She hates not knowing.] It fucking sucks, just waiting for the next thing to happen.
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( It isn't meant as a dig about her own death, that they were out alone when they died, just that they're all together )
But yeah. It's pretty shit.
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Yeah. [She pauses, wonders if she should say this at all. Why not? They're being honest here.] When it was just Chris and Hannah and me, that was really hard. Ash and Josh disappeared one after the other, and it was just... rough. Like, we bonded and all of that, but it's a lot better with so many of us here now.
[Seeing them around almost makes it feel like nothing bad ever happened. Or, like Carlisle said, gives her hope that she can make up for the bad that did happen.]
More people to band together against the shit the gods do.
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( If only they could do more about that shit, to have hope. Or more hope. She's always hoping that being together means that they'll be okay, that they can keep each other safe but there's too much bad crap here for her to really believe it )
I guess there's some things it makes easier. I mean you already know us.
( And some of them can put up with some of the others's crap )
As long as we're all okay.
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[She pauses, scoffs.] It's fucked up, that a place like this is the one place we can all be together again.
[It scares her, because now she's not sure she wants to go back home.]
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( Sure things probably weren't as constantly bad as they were here but it didn't sound that great )
The psycho, the monsters. Sounds pretty fucked up.
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Yeah. [She shudders. Hope healed her bite wound, but the scar still twinges now and then, and the nightmares--
Well, they're not so bad now that Matt's here, but she still has them now and then.] I'm just glad we're here. Where we can watch out for each other.
[She'd told Ashley that they were badasses. She thinks now that they all are.]
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( They might all be together but it wasn't that safe. Why couldn't they have a break )
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Same. Someplace where we're all okay and nobody's trying to feed off of us.
[But for now, Emily will settle for this.]
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( Right now she isn't quite sure )
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[Having them crushed would hurt too much.]
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